Anxiety before publishing
This one is for writers who experience this rush of anxiety before clicking the publish button and then push themselves to not feel it.
Found a 2month old draft of article that still holds an value. So sharing it now.
Just a few moments ago, I was writing the advice for my younger self to listen to my feelings how they are always honest.
And when wanting to click the publish button, I probably asked myself: “Okay publishing?” Which started an anxiety tornado that ended up upon re-editing the title of the article back and forth probably 7 times.
Do you see the irony? I was even anxious to share it on Facebook, because I know when I feel those feelings that somewhere in there was something that wasn’t quite “good”.
Or that there is a reason for that feeling. It might be just the initial question followed by this push to not have the angst and just post it. It may be just that.
I don’t know. Then I ran into the whole should, I delete the post from Facebook looking for some action, where I left part of me like a Horcrux from Harry Potter series.
This is really how anxiety over mistake feels like from moment to moment. This something is wrong and I need to go back and repair it.
The one thing I know with anxiety even though a lot of times I fear to look there is that: “I don’t need to fear the truth,” she didn’t hurt me, yet. What did hurt me is this ever lasting anxiety of not knowing the answer and hiding from it.
So here I am writing it out as an honor to the advice of my previous article: “Writing as a connection to oneself.”
So for any writer out there, doing it, just don’t use the backspace that often, breath in and out before posting and when feeling something listen to it.
There is a message. I still look to find out the answer to the question of why was I feeling anxious before publishing and thinking about deleting it. To feel the relief from it.
Edit: I know what it was. Your article wasn’t ready you moron.
Edit edit: There doesn’t exist anything like finishe article. There just exist a momemnts when the energy to create leaves and adding stuff into it feel like it’s just this perfection race. Write to publish Jack Conte, speaks about here beautifully here Creative Process.
2 month later: I didn’t probably publish it because of the anxiety at that moment. And in short term, it’s probably not great. I needed to write another one or something. In the long term is better to somehow process the feeling and if not ready to publish, then be fully not ready to publish. Good luck.