Clarity in the presence of The worry.

When the health worry comes, the everyday ones vanishes. That’s what today’s story is about.

First, two paragraphs of a small talk:

“Something is suspicious about the guy” looking at the scene where Mysterio was refusing Tony Stark glasses but actually wanting them. Let me spoiler-tell you, I was right!

The thing that fascinates me is how the actor need to play multiple layers of the role. I am a good guy, who isn’t really a good guy, but I need to play it so you trust me, but if you watch closely, you need to be able to feel something is odd.

I wanted to note something interesting before jumping into today’s topic. Worry over … The big one you know.

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Today, I was worrying over … well the worry over health.

“Anaphylactic shock is when …, fuck, I don’t want that.” Okay let’s go back to what happened.

Yesterday, I was stung by a wasp (no, not the Marvel one), bee or something and only today, I had an “I am a bit bulky foot” reaction.

So I went down the Google hole of reactions to a stung.

Let me pause here for a moment. Before you go and Google anything about the health stuff, do this first. Write down the symptoms. That way, you cannot stick additional symptoms to yourself afterwards just because you read them, like I! Back to a main plot.

I went outside the worry hole with a real worry over my health. (Isn’t it strange how one focuses on the worst one immediately?) And in those moments, I tend to evaluate what I am doing with my days.

And even though this anxiety can be overwhelming, those anxiety moments also comes with a clarity of thoughts over where I want to spend my time. I guess I tend to experience this more often as regular folks.

All of a sudden, all the ballast of worries attached to doing certain things, just drops away in the presence of this one. I play this scenario in my head; “What would I really do or finish when it would get …”

All of a sudden the worries over what to post, what to say to a friend just goes away and there is just clear honest dialogues over what you would do. The stuff get so much more simpler.

I can recall that some of my big career changes were made on a bench in front of a doctors' office, questioning what the frick am I doing with my life.

Huh, and then the health stuff improve and you are back in the everyday clutter, seeing the last traces of the clarity slowly fades away.

The thing is, is it possible to have this clarity even when there isn’t a health worry present? How would it look like to live out of this radical authenticity?

Moving on. I did put some breaths into my “bebe” and then fell asleep. Upon waking up, I felt better but my foot was the same. Yeah, don’t worry we would watch each other carefully!

Coming back to Spider-Man. I felt so energized after the movie and walked outside the room with a smile on my face. Do you also have this moment or a feeling upon leaving the movie, that you are touched by it?

Yeah take care, I am going to give my “bebe” some care and cold surrounding. Love on you, human.

Bye, Luke.

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Just writing.

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