Part 2: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUUUCK!

Yesterday, I was finishing an article about anxiety which I worked on for a while (about 3 days with pauses in between). It was polished and prepared to be copied in medium to do the last corrections.

And then this happened.

First fuck

“Okay, now select it” trying to mark all the text, to copy it from Notes.

I was moving my finger to the bottom of the small displey to scrolling down and select the clean article passage. While doing it lost the touch sense, and a menu to ‘Copy’, ‘Cut’ and ‘Paste’ arose. While trying to continue selecting, I clicked ‘Paste’ over the selected text.

Everything moved and the paraghraph that I had in my clipboard was looking at me.

“Ohh nonononononono nooo!”

The article just disappeared.

Second frick

I opened my eyes to see, what just happened and started to shake my head to the rythm of “no no no”.

In this shock, I was trying to find an UNDO button. And, it was nowhere to be found.

“Where is it?!”, I started to panic.

Clicked on the move icon in right corner, that may have it. “Frick, no options like that” the feeling of urge was already flooding all over my body.

“Vaaaaaaaa.”

In the panicky mode, I clicked on a new notes icon, probably hoping it would do something! Totally forgetting, that it does have only one function; to create a new note.

“No no no no, no new note,”

accidentally creating new one.

Third duck

I went back to the article note and scan my displey again, trying to see what could ressemble the undo button. There was this yes icon in a circle.

“Lets try this,” hoping there would be a menu to un-yes the changes!

“I want to go back!”

The text view moved a bit, and I saw the action. I wrote an empty circle into my notes.

“Nono nonon nou!”

Forth fog

Finally, an idea appeared:”Lets google, if we can undo it!”

I went and searched like a maniac. Glanced first result “undoying typing on notes …” and put my phone close to my face, to read it carefully.

“You can undo by shaking your phone from side to side”, I was, brain frozen. “What?”

“Undoing in iPhone is done by shaking him, from side to side.”

Rushed back to notes and shake profusely. “Want to undo typing?” message appeared. “Yes, yes, yes undo, I want undo!” saying to my phone.

It undone, the typing of the empty circle, I did in third duck.

“Undo again!” shaking the phone again with eyes properly open. A message: ”Want to redo typing?” Me:”Yes yes yes, everything yes” still in a full survival mode.

And the circle got back again, realizing: “Oh no, it’s this fricking to do circle thing, that I typed after it.”

Rushing back to google, to find how to undo multiple times.

“Okey so you take three fingers and swipe to side.” and preparing my fingers to do it.

A small note appeared on top of the display: ”Undo typing”. “Okey and now again you frick!”, swiped again and another note: ”Nothing to undo.” I basically wanted to deny this note, with all my heart.

“Nononon no no,”

started to swipe left and right, seeing notes: ”Redo typing” screaming no. The variations of three fingers interaction I tried with my mobile, to just get one step more back to undo the paste, were astonishing.

After a while I started to get an idea, that this would not work.

Fifth: “FUUUCK!”

After half an hour, trying all the different options again and again, now trying to, not mess it up even more, I saw the point.

“There is no way I can undo this.” It seems like, when I clicked on the ‘new notes’ button, the one I wanted to undo get saved, and the multiple undo options, were not working anymore.

The sensations, were cycling from, despair to anger and back. After some time trembling my legs and hands, I started to get more emotionally in line with the situation.

It was late night already, and I still, couldn’t believe it. I went to grap a physicall paper to write at least something that I could recall. The sensation of anger was so overwhelming however, that it was even hard to do so.

Went outside of the room to just walk or I dont know what, and cath myself standing in front of the mirror. I saw how my forehead wein is slowly preparing to burst into space from all the upcoming anger.

“Noooooooooooooo!”

screamed from top of my lungs on to the mirror. And saw how the droplets all over my face, on it.

You know, the funny thing is that day, I was talking with my brother’s wife and she told me her story of lossing her notes and it appeared “Ha funny, I just wrote an article about it yesterday.”

Proceed to explain it and ended with the wisdom that there is always an opportunity of something new that its hard to see through the clouds of sadness and anger.

Well. It couldn’t fit more for the evening situation.

I started to digest this wisdom, being with the feelings and starting to think, how to rewrite it.

Here is the thing when you write article and its flowing it’s sometimes hard to rewrite it. The moment is gone and the result is, really unique.

I can see, when I try to recall and copy what was there, its a bit different feeling. Its almost, like you need to flow with it again, to create a new baby.

“Huh, at least I would have a chance to practice what masters writers do, summoning the flow whenever they want it”

So here I was, next day after it, writing this article to attract my muse back to do the psychology article.

So yes people, if you can learn anything from my situation, undo on iPhone is by shaking it, or three fingers variations. Maybe when something goes into shit and you stand there with eyes open just try to respond, not react. Don’t click all over your displey like a maniac, trying to get it back. (I can imagine a situation, where this is a bad advice, like sending email on gmail, and undo option appear just for a bit, and then its sent). And google, google really fast.

Maybe even more important message is; when you loss something, don’t skip the mourning step. Before you start to look for spits of the light between the clouds of anger and sadness, be with the clouds. Share it with a friend or medium article. Hopefully, we will soon see, the opportunity.

You can play this video. It really helped me to express my emotions in the moment. I also laughed a lot with it. So lets play it, again.

Take care,

Luke

Third part coming soon.

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Just writing.

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