The duck with sugar

How I am loosing patients with sugar products.

Today, I almost ate tela-nu. The brown popular creamy product that use plam oil and destroys the orangutans living environment, just for my pleasure. So me wanting to eat it, it’s a big deal. Let me rewind a bit to the lunch.

Sometimes after a lunch I start to get this crazy: “I wanna eat sugary snacks” cravings. Not food, just a specific high sugar snacks that, I saw somewhere lying around in my environment.

To better explain the feeling, it feels like I am having a hole within me and everything normal (rice, meat) falls into the hole like nothing have happened. Then trying to fill this hole with normal food I overeat and now I feel discomfort, so I want to help with the sugar product to “feel good” again.

“Go get the chocolate ice cream from freezer” pops up each time there is a bit of discomfort within me. I don’t like it at all.

The reason why I don’t like it is because, I am trying to practice intuitive eating. Basically it means, whatever your body ask for you go and eat it. But those god-damn supernatural processed foods in my environment are spoiling the game totally.

So, I ate another portion of whatever the meal I had. Still, there is no change. On top of it you have those anxiety moments when trying to solve some design problems, and in this situation it just goes into: “Go get the food you would feel fine.” And the craving keeps coming back like a fly not wanting to leave by itself.

Intellectually, I saw all the bullshit eating processed sugar do to my body. It’s like drinking alcohol but available for kids, plus much more addictive. That’s why I am resisting it when my body asks for it. I see the dangers.

So after 5th cucumber and normal meal, I was really not happy about the eating situation. “Fuck it, I am gonna eat this banana with a chocolate.” I did, and it was delicious. What? Did you thought it wasn’t? You warm up the chocolate into a liquid state and then pour it on top of the banana… Yeah, sorry.

Another sugar problem is that it destroy my creation time. It really messes up with my writing or drawing. Thats not totally correct. It’s more about that after eating something really sweet the thing that I found myself most often doing is watching YouTube because everything else seems too boring to even start.

Even though it helps with the anxiety a bit it’s much harder to focus and stick inside when it gets uncomfortable. Which it always does, that is the nature of creation.

When I was looking at the tela-nu and imagining how I would eat it with a sandwich at 11:00pm, I noticed how messed up it became. I don’t even eat so late.

So I went, took 3 types of jam (strawberry, raspberry and cherry), butter and a couple of flat rice like sandwiches and started to eat them. Was really paying attention into how does it feel like within the body. What is the reward, and if the craving to eat the tela-nu subsides or not. After the 4th one it did. Ate some rice and milk on top of it. Just ah so much. I enjoyed it not gonna lie.

I get that from evolutionary point of view, my body find the most energy dense food in my environment and point them to me. But it frustrates me because it spoils my intuitive eating game when you have a bunch of chocolates, scientifically engineered to be as dense as possible.

Okay it’s too late, this was a properly frustrated story, hopefully if someone finds himself in similar situation at least you know that you are not alone in this shit. We to carry this hole within us.

Bye and take care human, tomorrof.

Luke

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Just writing.

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