The Experience of Sharing Your YouTube Video Among People

A story of what is happening after the publish button is clicked.

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

This is what I have experienced. Okay, I will make it more clear. In my case I have no subscribers, no one really watching me. There is a little chance anybody finding my video through YouTube. Now here comes the moment. I wanted to share one of it on a Facebook.

It was a dancing video and I, well. A creation which I felt vary, this bodily sensation on the verge of excitement or anxiety.

Let’s do it. The one thing I know was, I don’t want to think about it. No really, no thinking things through. I went for it, the description appeared by itself: “Don’t move too much it’s late already” and I clicked the publish button.

And here is when the fun started. I was like: “Close the Facebook, now!” My body was buzzing with the feelings: “I did it, I really did it!” Close the Facebook, and now needed to find a place where to put my attention, because the field pull of the: “You published a video of you dancing, to all of your friends. Do you realize that?” was strooong.

It’s hard to explain. The pull you have, and because of that your brain, maybe starts to find explanations of what is happening. Where does all the buzzing comes from.

After a few minutes of watching of something, I really didn’t care, the demons of my mind started to come. “Why would you destroy your dignity like that?” Well, it’s a bit harsh to call them that. The doubts. A lot of them: “What is the reason exactly? Why would you do that to yourself?” Thinking about deleting it comes around. “No I’ll let it there at least 2 hours.” made a decision, with an unconfident face.

Now, to not prolong it any longer, what I end up doing was trying to find other people, who experienced the same. Who have live through the situation that I was currently in. Let me tell you; YouTube searching: “Publishing dancing on YouTube,” wasn’t really helpful.

So you’ve had this emotional, hormonal ride all over the place, while sitting. And then, I went back to a guy that I get a bit of advice to creation: Exurb2a. And in his series; Catastrotivity about creating shit, he said: “Well the best way is to deal with it is to create again.” I was like yeah let’s do it again. I went to dance a bit, record it and had this smug smile. A smile when your ice-cream falls on a concrete. You don’t really know what to do so you just smile.

Now what got me a ton of bravery, I hope it is called like that, was watching other people on YouTube performing the same. Dancing. Well okay, I talk about mine as a dance, and I’ll stop here the thought that is trying to judge my innocent creation. I think it’s rude to judge from start. When I searched for the dance videos on YouTube I was like: “Fuck, they are all in.” Moving their bodies sharply, drastically and jumping all over the place.

And that’s maybe the insight I would like to pass onto you and me also. When you create, create all in. Jim Carrey once said: “I made the wrong decision, but I made them fully,” and there is something on that. When you just: “Okay, I am gonna dance now, it’s better be full or don’t even bother.” Like there is something in it if you should feel shameful, of something, it better be not mediocre. One hint to know you are on that path; It’s terrifying.

Whatever practice you have to deal with experiences like this. Whatever thing that keeps you on a spot after the share or publish button is pressed, just prepare it. You may gonna need it. No may, you would.

Oh yes, and I would probably not visit my Facebook for a one month at least? Or forever? I just, yeah I am not sure, how me and the comments would interact. There is a part of me curious, wanting to see, but the other is just: “At least give yourself a bit of uncommented creation time, where the only judge is you, where you can be the kido.” and then delete your Facebook.

No really, it’s an experience let me tell you that,
Bye

Luke

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