“Don’t eat the next one, just stop” while looking at a cake with a white sugar powder on top of it. I grabbed another one really fast and shovel him into my mouth. I tasted that it’s too much sugar already, but I would still find a place for another one.

At the first moment, chewing it one feels great. The dopamine waves are splashing all around the reward receptors in my brain. But even then, it doesn’t feel like joy, it’s more of numbing.

Fully bloated I went to rest on a couch. I just sat and look in front of me and from time to time there was this thought: “Why do I do it?” popping through the clouds of good/numb feelings.

What I don’t like about the sugar craze is the lack of clarity. Especially the feelings, they all are like sprayed by this good/numb color so it’s even hard to distinguish them.

The most negative effect however, is that I am so unmotivated to do anything else except these highly dopamine rewarding activities, that require little to no of my input. I seek only the “passivities.” It sucks especially when one planned to create.

“No not, today! I’m gonna express how I feel through drawing!” I stood up, went to my room and draw how I feel. I wanted to capture, what it looks like when I do this binge cake eating. And this is the result.

Image for post
Image for post

What do you think? It does resonate with me. And let me tell you, I enjoyed the whole creation all the way. I really did. I even didn’t want to stop it. All the numbness fueled this expression.

I guess, this is the insight I would like to share with you today. Next time that you feel shitty or bloated or whatever, go and capture the whole experience through creation. Whatever you are called most to, whether it’s drawing, singing or rolling from side to side to a song.

After you’re done, turn around and look at it. You may be surprised seeing the result. (For the rolling take a video, I am smiling just imagining the polar bear moves.)

Whatever path you would take, take care and see you tomorrow,

Luke

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Just writing.

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