The wrong path
How sometimes only by walking one path, you find out which path to go.
Hi people, how are you? Hopefully you are doing well and if not breath in and out and positive energy on you!
Today was a nice day full of creation and some turns in the end of the day. And that’s what I would like to talk about; about turns and decisions.
I had a decision to make. I was standing in front of a crossroad whether to publish one of my UX article to a big publication here on medium or not.
There was a bit of an internal push: “Yeah do it! Come one man you would say, ‘I have article in UX Collective’ on an interview.” Yeah, but I’m not a fan of those type of motivations.
There were other rational stuff that made sense, but whatever story there was, the feeling was that I was unsure and a bit resistant to it. Somehow, I didn’t feel like it and didn’t know why.
I already, added the article to the publication once, and then in anxious hurry undoing it and writing “Sorry” trying to explain it somehow. I enjoy those moments of finding out the explanations.
So as you can see, there was an emotional ballast over that decision, already present.
This time I was like: “Let’s not do it like the last time, let’s just decide yes and then go all the way or no and well that’s all, you walk a different way.” To create this atmosphere of peace for the decision, I recalled to play one song.
It’s from Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack called “Father and Son by Cut Stevens.” I was using it as song when I had trouble deciding wheter or not to go that route walking in the Alps.
I played it today again, sat, and looked at the “add to publication” option. It even got emotional, this song really get’s me. Yeah, it’s hard to describe. Moving on.
When I was in the pausing passage, I felt this rush: “Let’s do it, let’s decide now.” I paused the song and did it. Not really sure about it, but I did it. Stood up and went to eat finally after the long session of creation.
When preparing my meal, I noticed how there are already thoughts popping up to change it. Go back and to choose a different option. I smashed them away and got back to food preparation.
Slowly, but surely, this feeling of: “Not being on a good path” started build up. I knew this feeling very well from walking. Each step you feel like you should turn around and the feeling gets heavier and heavier. “Turn around!”
I resisted a bit longer and while blunting the potatoes among a tomato sauce, I was like: “I can’t.” Went to my room and clicked: “Remove from a publication.” button.
Felt bit of relieve, and immediate questioning or an inquiry to find out why I didn’t want to do it?
Here we are, not publishing it. Sometimes it’s just happens. You don’t really know atn the moment why, it’s more of a feeling. And because I use my feelings a lot especially for creation, I don’t want to spoil them with wishing or changing them. They are honest and plain. “This drawing sucks,” that honest.
No. I did decide like that, do I know what awaits me or what is the explanation? No. But, there are already some stories, showing me why I did what I did.
Among them is one, that this wasn’t really my north star and investing there energy and time would be just that, investment on a side path.
I don’t really have a precise insight here. Or do I? Take whatever you want from it. Hopefully it resonates from place to place.
Energy on you human, and see you tomorrof,